Sometimes I wonder is it really my panic attacks that make it so hard to leave the house every day. Or if some of those days is me just not wanting to leave the house and I blame it on the panic attacks.
That is a hard question to try to answer. Am I having a hard time leaving the house because I am anti-social and don't want to go out or because I am having a panic attack and don't want to go out.
That thought pattern just circles back around and around.
Then there are the employers who really need to take an indepth class in depression. I really had a laugh (sarcasm), when my boss made such a big deal with me letting him know I have a major depression problem and needed some considerations. After a couple of weeks he decided I was done with it and should just snap out of it.
"Hello! I've been depressed since grade school and you think I should snap out of it in a couple of weeks after 45 years???"
I don't think there is anybody with this type of depression who wouldn't love to snap out of it. There is so much of life and happiness we miss.
I don't want to wish this on anyone, but it would be nice if they felt the depth of the darkness, and complete emptiness for a few days so that they would understand exactly what it is like to go through this. The fear that life just isn't worth living any more, that there is no one who understands or cares.
And then the ones who give up and take their lives. They leave such wholes behind them. I guess my main problem with this week is that fact that tomorrow it will have been one year since my nephew took his life. He was only 19 and had such a great life a head of him, but I guess he couldn't see it.
Then comes the "what didn't I do, what should I have done, did I see something that should have alerted me of the problem" starts.
Maybe next week will look up! I can only hope!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
First post!
So the question arises, what exactly do you talk about in your first post? How much of yourselves do you reveal, but that might be helpful to others? This should be interesting.
I have had depression problems since elementary school. Most of my family has since been diagnosed as having a hormone imbalance, but that was long after elementary school. When I was growing up I was just told to get rid of the attitude and be more like my sisters (because there was no such thing as depression or ADD in those days).
It wasn't until I was in my mid-20s before I found out that I had an actual problem and it was called depression. Although, after many decades of medication, programs, individual therapy and group therapy, I am beginning to wonder if it is something I can ever come to live with or if it will always take over my live.
I do have to admit that I didn't really work hard with one therapist, but when he wanted me to digress to when I was born to find out what my feelings were then, I decided that it wasn't somewhere I wanted to go. I have too many issues with the here and now and things I remember on my own. I mean do I really want to have a first hand experience of my birth? I have always thought that the things from my childhood that I have forgotten must have been for a reason and why dig them out.
I have enough things to work through without adding forgotten items to the list.
Right now I have a full time job, that is enough work for a minimum of 2 full time people and a part time job that is nice, but might lose the position in mid-May.
My full time job is VERY stressful and I have a manager that if there is anything at all that might add to the stress, will do it to make sure his life is easier. I keep hoping the economy will turn around and I can apply for a job that doesn't have over 100 to 300 others apply for.
I have gotten to the point where I can barely leave the house during the day to go to work or anything else. It is very hard to talk or meet with people (sometimes even my family).
Thank goodness I have the best doctor and therapist who both work to help me through this. I don't know if I could make it without their help. (And of course my group session attendees, who have all become friends through the meetings and I don't know what I would do without any of them.)
Unless I want to go overboard with the poor-pitiful me.....I guess this is a good stopping point and I don't think I should write a book my first post.
I have had depression problems since elementary school. Most of my family has since been diagnosed as having a hormone imbalance, but that was long after elementary school. When I was growing up I was just told to get rid of the attitude and be more like my sisters (because there was no such thing as depression or ADD in those days).
It wasn't until I was in my mid-20s before I found out that I had an actual problem and it was called depression. Although, after many decades of medication, programs, individual therapy and group therapy, I am beginning to wonder if it is something I can ever come to live with or if it will always take over my live.
I do have to admit that I didn't really work hard with one therapist, but when he wanted me to digress to when I was born to find out what my feelings were then, I decided that it wasn't somewhere I wanted to go. I have too many issues with the here and now and things I remember on my own. I mean do I really want to have a first hand experience of my birth? I have always thought that the things from my childhood that I have forgotten must have been for a reason and why dig them out.
I have enough things to work through without adding forgotten items to the list.
Right now I have a full time job, that is enough work for a minimum of 2 full time people and a part time job that is nice, but might lose the position in mid-May.
My full time job is VERY stressful and I have a manager that if there is anything at all that might add to the stress, will do it to make sure his life is easier. I keep hoping the economy will turn around and I can apply for a job that doesn't have over 100 to 300 others apply for.
I have gotten to the point where I can barely leave the house during the day to go to work or anything else. It is very hard to talk or meet with people (sometimes even my family).
Thank goodness I have the best doctor and therapist who both work to help me through this. I don't know if I could make it without their help. (And of course my group session attendees, who have all become friends through the meetings and I don't know what I would do without any of them.)
Unless I want to go overboard with the poor-pitiful me.....I guess this is a good stopping point and I don't think I should write a book my first post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)