Sometimes I wonder is it really my panic attacks that make it so hard to leave the house every day. Or if some of those days is me just not wanting to leave the house and I blame it on the panic attacks.
That is a hard question to try to answer. Am I having a hard time leaving the house because I am anti-social and don't want to go out or because I am having a panic attack and don't want to go out.
That thought pattern just circles back around and around.
Then there are the employers who really need to take an indepth class in depression. I really had a laugh (sarcasm), when my boss made such a big deal with me letting him know I have a major depression problem and needed some considerations. After a couple of weeks he decided I was done with it and should just snap out of it.
"Hello! I've been depressed since grade school and you think I should snap out of it in a couple of weeks after 45 years???"
I don't think there is anybody with this type of depression who wouldn't love to snap out of it. There is so much of life and happiness we miss.
I don't want to wish this on anyone, but it would be nice if they felt the depth of the darkness, and complete emptiness for a few days so that they would understand exactly what it is like to go through this. The fear that life just isn't worth living any more, that there is no one who understands or cares.
And then the ones who give up and take their lives. They leave such wholes behind them. I guess my main problem with this week is that fact that tomorrow it will have been one year since my nephew took his life. He was only 19 and had such a great life a head of him, but I guess he couldn't see it.
Then comes the "what didn't I do, what should I have done, did I see something that should have alerted me of the problem" starts.
Maybe next week will look up! I can only hope!
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