I have been trying very hard to get out of debt. It feels so good to be almost there. I have been paying cash for everything and saving up if it is a big expense. I was so VERY proud of myself for paying cash for my new swamp cooler.
And then it happened! I cannot wait any longer for a new washer or mattress. It was so very hard getting financing for them.
Not to say that I didn't try to wait, my mattress is 30 years old and the washer has been leaking for quite some time (my downstairs neighbor will have a fit if it starts leaking through the floor.)
What is that saying, something like, "two steps forward and four steps back." I guess this is my backwards step. I just need to keep myself from getting back into the trap. I was proud of myself when they told me the amount I was approved for and I did NOT run back and get a matching dryer!
The delivery is Monday and I am so excited for a good night's rest. I'm also planning on doing a LOT of laundry that I have been letting slide. And I think that is the first time I've ever said I was excited about doing laundry!
Hopefully, I'll have two more steps forward and no more backward steps!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Family
I found out on Monday that one of my big sisters is the hospital with heart and lung problems. Her family forgot to tell us until late Sunday night.
I must admit that I when we went to visit, I was expecting her to look worse than she was. We were able to converse with her and had a couple of laughs. I hope and pray that she will get better soon. She has two grandchildren being born this summer and her youngest son just got engaged. I know she will want to be there for all three occasions.
I also made a decision this weekend, that really excited two of my sisters. I haven't gone to a family reunion for many decades. The reason for missing one of them is the fact they CAMP for a week. Everyone is always trying to talk me into going. I decided that if I still have my part time job and if I can find a rental motor home that takes cats.....I will go to the Anderson reunion for a long weekend. I now have two ecstatic sisters (and two concerned cats). With the thought of a motor home, I'm actually looking forward to it.
To take the time off, I'll have to get my panic attacks better under control. I use up all my sick and vacation, dealing with those stupid attacks. I will need to save some up (maybe this will be the momentum for doing better)! Here's to a better week of getting to work on time!
I must admit that I when we went to visit, I was expecting her to look worse than she was. We were able to converse with her and had a couple of laughs. I hope and pray that she will get better soon. She has two grandchildren being born this summer and her youngest son just got engaged. I know she will want to be there for all three occasions.
I also made a decision this weekend, that really excited two of my sisters. I haven't gone to a family reunion for many decades. The reason for missing one of them is the fact they CAMP for a week. Everyone is always trying to talk me into going. I decided that if I still have my part time job and if I can find a rental motor home that takes cats.....I will go to the Anderson reunion for a long weekend. I now have two ecstatic sisters (and two concerned cats). With the thought of a motor home, I'm actually looking forward to it.
To take the time off, I'll have to get my panic attacks better under control. I use up all my sick and vacation, dealing with those stupid attacks. I will need to save some up (maybe this will be the momentum for doing better)! Here's to a better week of getting to work on time!
Monday, May 9, 2011
My mind is all over the place.
This weekend something would happen and I thought that would be a great blog, then something else happened and I thought the same, but Sunday I had 3 different items I thought would be a great blog....come Monday, I can hardly think of any of the three. I'm afraid it might end up a combo of all three unrelated items and rather all over the place.
Saturday, I had a very wonderful niece house sit for the swamp cooler repair man, while I went to work. They got it fixed and thankfully it was under warranty, so the money can go towards my new windshield for the car. I do not know what I would do without my family, always willing to come house sit when I have repair people coming over.
Just in case it would cost something, I left my niece my debt card to pay for anything. After work I realized I needed a few things from the store on the way home. So, I popped right into Walmart and did my shopping getting a few things more than I actually "needed" and some I didn't need. I got to the register and realized I didn't have my debt card, so I was very embarrassed to tell the cashier I couldn't get everything, and just got the milk which I had enough cash for.
Of course while driving home, it dawned on me, I had a checkbook in my purse....when did checks become such an outdated process. I had checks in my purse and but didn't even think of them as I always use the debt card. I felt so stupid! And no, I did not return to the store to get the rest of the items. I figured, if I waited a couple of days, they will have forgotten about me by then.
With the new year, I have gotten out of the habit of listening to scriptures, church magazines, conference talks, gospel music/hymns, study curriculum, etc. on Sundays. So I decided to get back in the habit. First the New Testament wasn't set up like I thought it was, so listened to the church magazine for a couple of hours until I had a break long enough to at least set up the first four books. Then I listed to Matthew. I forgot how much I REALLY enjoyed listing to those items on a Sunday. I was totally feeling the spirit (yes, even at work) and the people around me was worried that I was spreading viruses around as I was sniffling and trying to keep the tears in check. It was a wonderful day of feelings that I had gotten out of the habit of having.
My main goal this week is to get it all set up for next Sunday, so that everything works like a charm and I can get that wonderful spirit again.
Of course, I was also thinking about the fact, I don't know if I could actually attend meetings if I wasn't working because of the panic attacks. But, I could always continue doing my listening and trying to follow through the curriculum at home.
So, that was my weekend. I guess a lot happened in such a short time. But it was a rather productive process. Now to see if I can continue with the changes I want to make or will I procrastinate like normal and drop the ball.
Saturday, I had a very wonderful niece house sit for the swamp cooler repair man, while I went to work. They got it fixed and thankfully it was under warranty, so the money can go towards my new windshield for the car. I do not know what I would do without my family, always willing to come house sit when I have repair people coming over.
Just in case it would cost something, I left my niece my debt card to pay for anything. After work I realized I needed a few things from the store on the way home. So, I popped right into Walmart and did my shopping getting a few things more than I actually "needed" and some I didn't need. I got to the register and realized I didn't have my debt card, so I was very embarrassed to tell the cashier I couldn't get everything, and just got the milk which I had enough cash for.
Of course while driving home, it dawned on me, I had a checkbook in my purse....when did checks become such an outdated process. I had checks in my purse and but didn't even think of them as I always use the debt card. I felt so stupid! And no, I did not return to the store to get the rest of the items. I figured, if I waited a couple of days, they will have forgotten about me by then.
With the new year, I have gotten out of the habit of listening to scriptures, church magazines, conference talks, gospel music/hymns, study curriculum, etc. on Sundays. So I decided to get back in the habit. First the New Testament wasn't set up like I thought it was, so listened to the church magazine for a couple of hours until I had a break long enough to at least set up the first four books. Then I listed to Matthew. I forgot how much I REALLY enjoyed listing to those items on a Sunday. I was totally feeling the spirit (yes, even at work) and the people around me was worried that I was spreading viruses around as I was sniffling and trying to keep the tears in check. It was a wonderful day of feelings that I had gotten out of the habit of having.
My main goal this week is to get it all set up for next Sunday, so that everything works like a charm and I can get that wonderful spirit again.
Of course, I was also thinking about the fact, I don't know if I could actually attend meetings if I wasn't working because of the panic attacks. But, I could always continue doing my listening and trying to follow through the curriculum at home.
So, that was my weekend. I guess a lot happened in such a short time. But it was a rather productive process. Now to see if I can continue with the changes I want to make or will I procrastinate like normal and drop the ball.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Can't win for losing!
After 4 years of babying my rusted out swamp cooler through the summers, I finally bought a new swamp cooler this year. Of course this would be the year that is so wet and cold that I haven't needed to use it yet. The first warm time comes along and I need to call for service. It keeps shutting off before cooling the condo down!
That is about how things seem to go. It is hard to remember the good things that have happened and not keep going over the bad. But, barring the bad things, I have a pretty good life.
I have a place to call home, that is warm and dry (and soon to be cool).
I have a car that gets me where I am going.
I have not just one job, but two jobs that are keeping the bills paid. Thank goodness and I can't wait until
I'm totally out of debt.
I have food to eat and I'm able to feed the girls.
For my age, my health is reasonably good.
I have a good family who cares and helps me out.
I have two beautiful and healthy girls (Shadow and Pepin), that keep me laughing and busy.
Why is it easier to remember the bad things, when there is so much good in my life. Is it because I concentrate on the bad in the belief that EVERYTHING in my life should be good? Boy, is that illogical!
That is about how things seem to go. It is hard to remember the good things that have happened and not keep going over the bad. But, barring the bad things, I have a pretty good life.
I have a place to call home, that is warm and dry (and soon to be cool).
I have a car that gets me where I am going.
I have not just one job, but two jobs that are keeping the bills paid. Thank goodness and I can't wait until
I'm totally out of debt.
I have food to eat and I'm able to feed the girls.
For my age, my health is reasonably good.
I have a good family who cares and helps me out.
I have two beautiful and healthy girls (Shadow and Pepin), that keep me laughing and busy.
Why is it easier to remember the bad things, when there is so much good in my life. Is it because I concentrate on the bad in the belief that EVERYTHING in my life should be good? Boy, is that illogical!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Panic and Depression Group Meetings
The Panic and Depression Group at Resilient Solutions, in Bountiful, has gone on hiatus for the summer.
I'm not sure how this summer will go without my weekly meetings with women that understand what I am going through and feeling, and can help me look at things in different ways. It's kind of lonely without the support I get at the meetings.
It is so very easy to feel like you are the only one who has every gone through these types of issues, and to go through the loneliness and thoughts that no one else ever has gone through what you have. Then to have met such wonderful women, that can help me see that I am not alone in all of this is beyond words. The love I feel for each and every one of them and for the help that they have given me is tremendous.
The feeling of hope that comes over me through these meetings, that maybe, someday I won't have to deal with these things. That there is a life out there and this isn't it!
And then to go without for a few weeks or months, I get so excited when they announce they are starting the meetings up again.
Of course I cannot talk about these wonderful meetings without mentioning the wonderful people who lead the group. The therapist who always seems to so very happy, and willing to join in some of our exercises. And the co-leader who is willing to share her time, experiences and research of when she was going through what we are now going through. I don't think the group would be half as effective without their support and caring.
My hope is that throughout the summer I can keep the spirit of the group within my heart and not allow myself to fall behind.
I'm not sure how this summer will go without my weekly meetings with women that understand what I am going through and feeling, and can help me look at things in different ways. It's kind of lonely without the support I get at the meetings.
It is so very easy to feel like you are the only one who has every gone through these types of issues, and to go through the loneliness and thoughts that no one else ever has gone through what you have. Then to have met such wonderful women, that can help me see that I am not alone in all of this is beyond words. The love I feel for each and every one of them and for the help that they have given me is tremendous.
The feeling of hope that comes over me through these meetings, that maybe, someday I won't have to deal with these things. That there is a life out there and this isn't it!
And then to go without for a few weeks or months, I get so excited when they announce they are starting the meetings up again.
Of course I cannot talk about these wonderful meetings without mentioning the wonderful people who lead the group. The therapist who always seems to so very happy, and willing to join in some of our exercises. And the co-leader who is willing to share her time, experiences and research of when she was going through what we are now going through. I don't think the group would be half as effective without their support and caring.
My hope is that throughout the summer I can keep the spirit of the group within my heart and not allow myself to fall behind.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Mondays!
I keep telling myself that the next week (and starting on Monday) I will do so much better! I will get up and get to work on time every day, I will take the train to save gas, I will be cheerier and on top of things and I WILL NOT panic over anything. Okay the last three items may really be the impossible dream (okay maybe all of them)....but, I can hope can't I.
I really have myself believing that I can pull it off, so why it is so hard to actually accomplish? It might have something to do with my lack of self-discipline and maybe my laziness. Two places that I'm not sure I can, or want, to correct. Although I keep telling myself that I would probably feel better if I could get control over both of those items.
I keep coming up with brilliant ideas for making the changes I need to. But they never seem to work. My last brilliant idea, I haven't been able to start applying it in the mornings. Tomorrow morning, come rain or shine, I WILL implement my brilliant idea!
They have switched my CPU at work and I am having to learn new versions of programs, without any material to study. It is driving me crazy that Word 2003 doesn't not work like Word 2000 did. Usually I just fight the program and wish for Word Perfect to come back.
But I think this time, I am going to make the time to learn the program, even if I am overwhelmed with work. Who knows maybe I'll get to like the Word a little bit more? What would my co-workers do if I actually stopped gripping about Word....the could be interesting.
I am feeling bad that I didn't wish my niece a happy birthday yesterday. I find as I get older things seem to slip more from my mind, especially if I cannot do it when I think about it and have to wait to accomplish it. I did think about it at work yesterday. But our cell phones have to be off on the floor, and when I had a break I completely had it slip my mind! Now if someone to find a way to get the mind coordinated to think of things like that when you actually have the opportunity to accomplish it right then, live would run so much smoothly.
I really have myself believing that I can pull it off, so why it is so hard to actually accomplish? It might have something to do with my lack of self-discipline and maybe my laziness. Two places that I'm not sure I can, or want, to correct. Although I keep telling myself that I would probably feel better if I could get control over both of those items.
I keep coming up with brilliant ideas for making the changes I need to. But they never seem to work. My last brilliant idea, I haven't been able to start applying it in the mornings. Tomorrow morning, come rain or shine, I WILL implement my brilliant idea!
They have switched my CPU at work and I am having to learn new versions of programs, without any material to study. It is driving me crazy that Word 2003 doesn't not work like Word 2000 did. Usually I just fight the program and wish for Word Perfect to come back.
But I think this time, I am going to make the time to learn the program, even if I am overwhelmed with work. Who knows maybe I'll get to like the Word a little bit more? What would my co-workers do if I actually stopped gripping about Word....the could be interesting.
I am feeling bad that I didn't wish my niece a happy birthday yesterday. I find as I get older things seem to slip more from my mind, especially if I cannot do it when I think about it and have to wait to accomplish it. I did think about it at work yesterday. But our cell phones have to be off on the floor, and when I had a break I completely had it slip my mind! Now if someone to find a way to get the mind coordinated to think of things like that when you actually have the opportunity to accomplish it right then, live would run so much smoothly.
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