Why do I feel so sad all the time?

I'm not sure what exactly to say today.  Just when I feel like I should be feeling better and much happier, I realize that I'm as sad and down as normal.

Why is it so hard to become a happier person, who takes things in stride and enjoys working and being around people?  I feel like I keep trying to overcome everything, but then I wonder am I really putting forth the effort or just saying that I am.

One minute I feel fine and then the next every thing seems like it will never get better.  It is so very hard when you have someone who doesn't understand that concept, and thinks you should just be able to shurg it off.  I really wish it was that easy and that I could feel like there was something that I do right.

I'm planning on going to my week long family reunion (of course the girls are going also).  I have a few more things to get, but I'm so proud of the fact that I have a tent already!  I have a countdown going and have been excited, but suddenly today, it just seems way too much.

Family Reunions

So, my family FINALLY talked me into attending a family reunion last weekend.  I do not really enjoy camping and do not like to leave my little ones at home.  (It is amazing how you can supply cats for camping!  They had their playpen and pet stroller and were ready for anything, except dogs.)  The girls were amazing at how good they did.  Who says cats don't enjoy camping?

Today, I'm not sure if that was a good thing to do or not.

It was nice seeing all the aunts, uncles and cousins that I haven't seen for decades.  Listening to all the stories of their lives experiences, which were very enthralling.

The bad is...I thought my panic and depression was settling down.  After taking those days off for the reunion, I realize that they weren't settling down, they had just gotten so normal that I was ignoring them.  This week has been majorly trying.  I want to cry at everything and have been sleeping A LOT!

I am losing my part-time job this month and would like to only work one job for a while.  I think I'll eventually end up getting another one.  Especially now I'm think it would be nice to get a used Class C motor home!  The girls will really feel like they are at their second home then.

I guess we'll see where life takes us!

Reunion

I can't believe it, but my family has finally talked me into going to the Anderson reunion.  I haven't been camping in decades!  So making sure I have everything I need for a long weekend and camping has been quite the accomplishment.

I also have to get everything ready for the girls.  Because, if I have to go ... THEY HAVE to go also!  I got them a playpen and pet stroller.  So far they have gotten used to the playpen and I think learned to accept the stroller.  Pepin being Pepin, has decided they are hers and doesn't like Shadow to even check them out, let alone go into them.  I keep telling her the playpen and stroller are for both of them.  (I still can't get Shadow to really use the cat tree.)

I'm actually getting excited to leave and have the car half packed up since Monday night.  I want to give the girls a bath tonight, so they at least start out fresh and clean, finish packing and ready to leave tomorrow morning.

In the mean time, I made sure that any books I might want to read has been downloaded to my phone, I ordered one of those phone chargers that work off batteries (and I have lots of batteries) and it should be here today, my mp3 has any books and songs that I might want to listen to, and the girls' new littermaid is ready for tent usage (the old one is on it's last gasps and will be thrown away).  I may be camping, but I can't do without some very important things!

All I can say now is, camping....here we come!

Figero

I only fostered him for one night, but I miss little Figero like crazy!  I keep wondering how he is doing with his new family and frustrated that I am not getting good updates.  I keep bugging my poor sister and niece, like they could keep 24 hour track of him.

He was such a snuggly little guy.  The girls were not impressed!  

 

Laundry and other stuffs

It is amazing how much more enjoyable doing laundry can be with a new machine!  I have been working on all the laundry I let slide while trying to keep from flooding the bottom condo.  Watching a front loader is almost as good as tv, although the girls are not impressed.  Shadow jumps every time it makes a noise, and Pepin hid for 3 hours after the deliverymen left.

My latest strategy for getting to work on time seems to be working.  One of my co-workers, who lives near me, has been giving me a ride this week.  Since she works the ten hour shifts, not only am I on time, but I have time to eat breakfast and knit before I have to start.  (My bosses put me on 4 nine hour shifts and 1 four hour shift, I couldn't seem to do the ten hour ones.)

Now if I could make this a permanent fix....Reunion here I come!

Debt

I have been trying very hard to get out of debt.  It feels so good to be almost there.  I have been paying cash for everything and saving up if it is a big expense.  I was so VERY proud of myself for paying cash for my new swamp cooler.

And then it happened!  I cannot wait any longer for a new washer or mattress.  It was so very hard getting financing for them.

Not to say that I didn't try to wait, my mattress is 30 years old and the washer has been leaking for quite some time (my downstairs neighbor will have a fit if it starts leaking through the floor.)

What is that saying, something like, "two steps forward and four steps back."  I guess this is my backwards step.  I just need to keep myself from getting back into the trap.  I was proud of myself when they told me the amount I was approved for and I did NOT run back and get a matching dryer!

The delivery is Monday and I am so excited for a good night's rest.  I'm also planning on doing a LOT of laundry that I have been letting slide.  And I think that is the first time I've ever said I was excited about doing laundry!

Hopefully, I'll have two more steps forward and no more backward steps!

Family

I found out on Monday that one of my big sisters is the hospital with heart and lung problems.  Her family forgot to tell us until late Sunday night.

I must admit that I when we went to visit, I was expecting her to look worse than she was.  We were able to converse with her and had a couple of laughs.  I hope and pray that she will get better soon.  She has two grandchildren being born this summer and her youngest son just got engaged.  I know she will want to be there for all three occasions.

I also made a decision this weekend, that really excited two of my sisters.  I haven't gone to a family reunion for many decades.  The reason for missing one of them is the fact they CAMP for a week.  Everyone is always trying to talk me into going.  I decided that if I still have my part time job and if I can find a rental motor home that takes cats.....I will go to the Anderson reunion for a long weekend.  I now have two ecstatic sisters (and two concerned cats).  With the thought of a motor home, I'm actually looking forward to it.

To take the time off, I'll have to get my panic attacks better under control.  I use up all my sick and vacation, dealing with those stupid attacks.  I will need to save some up (maybe this will be the momentum for doing better)!  Here's to a better week of getting to work on time!